


Sleepless

by Ladibard_Wordsmith28



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladibard_Wordsmith28/pseuds/Ladibard_Wordsmith28
Summary: Among many other things, what if Hermione Granger could never walk away from her traumatic experience at the Malfoy Manor? Severus Snape has been there for a decade, such at one moment of time, now he realizes he cannot afford to watch some else waste away.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 19
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Among many other things, what if Hermione Granger could never walk away from her traumatic experience at the Malfoy Manor? Severus Snape has been there for a decade, such at one moment of time, now he realizes he cannot afford to watch some else waste away.
> 
> Disclaimer: The regular disclaimer still stays in place; I owe nothing but the AU and OC. The rest belongs to JKR. My mind lives in the Harry Potter fanfiction world though my body is still thankfully anchored in the monotonous reality of existence. My themes, plotline, and storyline may, therefore, get indirectly influenced by many of the brilliant fanfiction writers on this site. And I humbly bow to such creative genius who give me much needed literary pleasures to see through the toils of mundane life. Lastly, I don't have a beta, so please be merciful. Reviews would encourage this introvert writer to peep out of her literary closet.

**Sleepless**

**Chapter 1**

Walking around the castle, whether it was during the summer break or while the school was in session, was an exercise Severus Snape could not afford to quit. He spent nearly two decades either spying, plotting, getting beaten up into pulp, teaching, and reading. Though apart from Lily, Potions and Defense Against Dark Arts were the only two things that qualified as things he loved. But after the Battle of Hogwarts, after his second chance to live life once again, much of the previous charm of those subjects have withered away.

Life no longer surprised him, apart from that moment when he realized someone was working hard to revive him in the darkness of the Shrieking Shack. He did try to resist; he did try to push away. As if owing it to Potter was not enough, as if killing the only person, he could imagine as a friend, mentor, and confidant was not enough! In a soft pleading voice, the body hovering above him had begged to God and Merlin," Let him live, let him see for himself life is worth living for...please God, please…" His mother had never begged with such earnestness. He had tried to open his eyes but could only see utter darkness. He felt fingers around his throat, over his sharp cheekbones, under his nose...threading through his greasy black hair. Then he felt someone prying open his lips, massaging his jaw and one after the other stream of liquids pour down his open mouth.

He heard his rescuer sing his spell. He tried once again to open his eyes. All he could see or rather feel was million strands of hair, tickling him under his chin.

His miraculous resurrection was a topic to maul over in glossy papers and in endless books of fame-hungry budding biographers. He never gave an interview, never replied to any of those letters that tried to peep into his private life. When Hogwarts wanted him to resume his post as a Headmaster, he had decided to oppose it. But Minerva's teary eyes had made him choke on his words. Her words made him eat his own words. "All of us are trying to honor you, accept it. Hogwarts will be proud, down the ages, to have you are its Headmaster." He looked away, such an open display of emotions, adoration, and appreciation gnawed at his battered heart. "You ask too much from me, Madam." He had stiffened when she had placed her hand on his shoulder. Forcing him to turn back towards her, she had surprised him by holding his face in hands, "on the contrary, Severus, I want you to come back, so that this time, you can do it right."

Minerva McGonagall never resorted to manipulated, sugar coating, or twisting facts for achieving desired results. Instead she relied on logic, fact, and genuine persuasion and that was what he agreed, he appreciated in her the most.

The very first thing that they had discussed in the staff meeting was to invite students back to school so that they could finish the previous years' course. They were prepared for many to decline the offer because school was the last place any parent would imagine their children getting killed to satisfy the hunger of power of a megalomaniac. He had surmised," It will be both difficult and easy, but will have to work hard." Pomona had joked, "you mean keep breathing down their neck all the time Severus." Perhaps it was the first time he had genuinely smiled at her quip; she had literally toppled her teacup on her robe emptying its hot content. The rest of the staff had laughed and Minerva had slapped his back, "only you do away with dishing out perfect comebacks without wasting a single letter!" When he winked at her, Filius had coughed, laughed, and choked horribly. The staff room never felt this inviting before that day.

These days he could actually afford to relax around the other members of the staff. Even sleep for a couple of hours. But a new development had put a stop to this developing healthy habit. The problem's name was Hermione Granger. It was during the lunch hour that the minor tragedy occurred. The house-elves had been generous enough to cook a small feast in the honour of Madam Hooch's birthday, and a rather clumsy owl had flown right into the two-tier cake that the Games Teacher had requested for. Filius had levitated the poor thing, scourgified its wings, without even waiting for a treat, the pig-headed owl had flown away, leaving behind two envelopes right over Minerva's plate.

Severus wondered aloud, "Pig headed excuse of a bird."

"You are right, that is Pig, Ron Weasley's barmy owl. Never got its direction clear...most curious, I was expecting...Severus, can I talk to you later on..." Excusing herself quite hastily, the deputy headmistress had left the lunch party or what was left of it. Moments later, the headmaster had felt the wards of the castle letting her pass through. Narrowing his brow, he had decided to finish off his meal at the behest of a miffed Madam Hooch. At least he could practice being polite.

When the witch had not returned by dusk, Snape had started worrying. He decided to check with the Weasley's first. Crouching in front of the fireplace, he was about to speak their address, when the flames lit up on their own and Molly Weasley's face appeared among the green flames. "Headmaster Snape, ah, there you are, if you please come along...Minerva is quite beyond herself…"

Snape had felt his throat tighten and had unceremoniously barked at the Weasley matriarch, "Back off" and moments later he was standing inside the living area of the Burrow. The war had made the stern Scottish woman wary of her bones. On several occasions, he had noticed how she would simply drop by citing lame excuses. He knew deep down she was checking on him. Without even getting sorted in her house, he had turned into one of her cubs. He knew she had failed to locate her favorite cub and he knew she needed him more than anything.

* * *

An hour later the most formidable wizard of Magical Britain stood in the shadows of a suburban locality. Hidden behind the bushes, he had his eyes trained at the carved-out land in between two houses. He had been there only once. To warn the muggle-born witch, that she was marked and that her parents' lives were in danger. She had thanked him in return and had shared a rather cryptic riddle. He was about to scold her and warn her it was not the time to play foolish games. But the clever girl had said, "if you ever come looking for me, you will remember where to look."

Looking straight ahead he had mumbled under his breath, "Hearth is the heart of this farmer's house." right in front of his eyes, the land raised up on its own and brick by brick, wood by wood, glass by glass, Dr. Grangers' house came into view. Looking around and finding no one actually watching the deserted street, he crossed it and walked right up to the front door. He was about to press the button, but the door had swung open, his wand had flown out of his hand, he had knelt down to grab the other which he always kept in his boot when Hermione Granger's 10¾" long vine wood poked him on his nose, and her steady voice greeted him, "If you are who I think you are, tell me about my birthmark!"


	2. chapter 2

Disclaimer: Same as the previous chapter.

**Chapter 2**

Severus Snape tried to buy some time. He thought quickly and uttered," And if  _ You _ are who you seem to be…" secretly moving his fingers closer to his ankle holster when the witch in front, did the strangest thing that a student could ever do to a teacher. Her glassy eyes never blinked as she tapped her wand on the tip of his long nose and muttered," Frigidus Manibus" a flick of her finger on the other hand made his spare wand leave his holster and swiftly land in hers. Snape found his palms came before him, slapped against each other, and got glued together. The spell ended with an ice block consuming his attached palms. The heavyweight and the immediate numbness forced him to drop them on the ground.

Hermione Granger continued to look down at him with her wand lightly resting on his hooked nose. "I asked a question, and you taught me not to be tardy. Answer me. Or else the ice block will eat away your dear hands." Incapacitated, irritated and thoroughly embarrassed, the dour man sneered and then keeping his eyes on her shoulder he muttered," A star, but you don't have it now."

The girl in front of him continued in a dead monotone voice," Interesting theory. Now how did I stop not having it?" The man on his knees shifted a bit and a hard tap of her wand made him go still. He was literally glaring at her, though strangely the girl remained unaffected. Fumbling for words, he tried again, "Miss Granger, don't push me to expel you from school, you know I can report this to the board of Governors?" His wrists were literally dead and the numbness had almost reached up to his elbows. He looked up again, but then closed his eyes and counted till ten. It hit him then. The stench. Unwashed hair, unwashed clothes smelling of sweat and alcohol. His eyes flew open and he looked at her harder. "Very well, it was a star...well...um...right next to the tip of your left breast, but it's now gone," he hung his head in shame mumbling, "I did cure you of Dolohov's dark spell, but I couldn't do much about the scar, I am sorry."

The stern headmaster of Hogwarts was not someone who was humiliated by a student on a daily basis. He had had enough of the weird attitude of the brightest witch of his school and was about to bellow when Hermione started rubbing her wand over the edge of his nose. It slowly went up and then trailed down lazily. The moment was so slow and ghostly that Snape sat mum on his knees nearly hypnotized by such caress. His obsidian eyes tried to search for a meaning behind this behavior but failed to understand the still and distant muggle-born. He shuttered, "Miss Gra...Granger?"

Speaking in the same dry manner the girl standing in front of him started, "Need. I often wondered why you have a large nose. There is nothing in this world that is just needlessly there," dragging her wand up and down against it like a feather, she continued," you would become a potion master, so you needed a large nose. How else would you be able to distinguish the different smells? Need, as long as everyone needed me, they kept me close. How come I never thought like this! Sir, why did I run along with Harry and Ron for so many years? They needed someone to figure things out for them, and I needed just a 'friend'. I needed my parents to be safe and away from the clutches of Voldemort. I did a good job at that. Performed the rarest of the rare memory charm." Her wand now kept drawing tiny circles on the tip of his nose. "Secured this house, made you the secret keeper of all the people of the world. Why? Need. Alas, now there is no one around who needs me."

Abruptly she turned around, dropping his wands near his ice embedded freezing hands, started walking away down the corridor lit only by the street lights. He heard her mumble "finite incantatum". Still befuddled, he watched her back, absentminded, as he rubbed his hands wondering to himself,  _ why on earth didn't my wandless magic work? _ She looked over her shoulder and said," In anatomy, the tip of the breast or the mammary gland in common language is called a nipple. Welcome to the Granger Residence Headmaster Severus Snape."

Thanks to every deity in the muggle world, the Almighty himself and of course, Merlin the Great Wizard, that the brightest witch of the age had already walked into the nearest room, because the esteemed Headmaster the most feared man of Magical Britain had his mouth hanging, still knelt at the doorway, blushing from head to toe.

Shaking his head seething with anger, the man got up and stomped right up to the corner. It hit him then, he could hear his footfall echoing about the house. Curious, he looked about. The walls were bare so was the floor. There were naked nails and dust patches indicating at one time several photo frames were on them. There were footmarks of console tables and of planters. Slowly he turned at the corner and came to stand at the threshold of the barest suburban kitchen, or perhaps entire England. Even when people move out, there is always something or the other left behind. Stepping back, he peered into the living area. Nothing. Finding a switch, he flipped it on and off. No electricity.

"And no water."

Whirling around, he found Granger sitting on the floor, her back resting on the wall adjoining the entryway, her legs spread out. She was lazily tapping her ankles against each other, taking sips from a whiskey bottle. When Snape had bent down and snatched it away from her, she stilled for a moment but didn't look up. Her eyes were distant. Severus huffed and sat down thinking,  _ something was terribly wrong with the girl? _

Still staring ahead, she spoke, "What do you need Headmaster?"

Doubtful of how to go about this whole thing, he answered quite sternly," What I need is your confirmation letter that you will be attending Hogwarts. Because Miss Granger I am certain you consider completing your education as your highest priority."

The girl had turned her head quickly and had slapped him tight. Having finally lost it, she had lunged at him, toppling him backward, punching him anywhere and everywhere. It took one blow to his nose and one misplaced punch on his cheek till he had successfully caged her flying hands and rolled over, had pinned her on the empty wooden floor. Under the street lights coming through the blinds he saw the tear marks, and the dirt all over her face. But it was her eyes stripped of its familiar liveliness, enthusiasm, zeal, and resolute intensity to excel had made him swallow his retort.

She started whimpering and soon enough broke down. Her hair was plastered on her face, matted and uncombed, her shirt had ridden off her shoulder, her collar bone jutting out. Unfed, and malnourished, the girl was a sad picture of a neglected child. Her arms were too thin, her face had shrunk, big patches of dark circles around her hopeless eyes, making her look nearly lifeless. Severus had to gulp; memories of his own miserable childhood flashed behind his eyes.

He managed to whisper, "Miss Granger, Granger, Hermione?" She had started banging her head hard on the floor below. Instinctively he sat back, bringing her up along with him, holding her head secured with his large palm, letting go of her hands in the process. The girl had given into the motion. But her bony arms stopped mid-air, hanging like a puppet tied to invisible strings, hovering right above his shoulders. Hiccupping, snorting, and whimpering she asked the most heart-wrenching question Snape had ever heard, "Even you need me, only to throw me away after my purpose is over. Am I really that worthless?"

Frigidus Manibus in Latin means freeze palms together.

  
  



	3. chapter 3

Disclaimer: The same as the previous chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Severus could vouch that the girl sitting over his lap, with her hands hanging like a prop, seconds away from getting hysteric had asked him, "...am I that worthless?" but to him, it sounded more like a plea coming straight from the soul. He had to swallow hard, he had to blink several times to get a grip. He thought to himself, _surely, she didn't say what about my soul?_ He had leaned over, and adjusted his body accordingly. When his palm came in contact with her lower back, the girl shook like autumn leaves. Her hands dropped over his shoulders and she dug her head right below his chin.

Having dealt with many homesick first years, Snape had some primary knowledge of how child psychology worked. In case the older female students had trouble adjusting to the fast-changing world around them when they hit puberty, he made sure to indicate perfects and older students to take care of those coming of age problems. He cared the least if the world considered him emotionally stunted. He was sensitive beyond most of those critics' imagination. But he was also a double agent, not that it was public knowledge. He had to exhibit ruthlessly to stay aloof and do his work from the shadows.

In this quiet and empty house, her sobs were loud and gut-wrenching. She had continued chanting," Am I that worthless?" It was hard for him to make an effort to comfort her. But she was not just any student. She was Hermione Granger. The girl who had surprised him all through her eventful tenure as a bright student of Hogwarts. And to be reduced to this state. He didn't realize when he had tightened his arms around her. But Granger had melted into a heap of a hapless reminder of her formidable demeanor. He sat still giving her all the liberty to cry her heart out. From the corner of his eyes, he saw bottles of whiskey, some old newspapers, and a bead bag lying close to the wall.

He decided he couldn't leave her in this abandoned house. Her sobs had reduced to horrible sniffs and hiccups. Had they been at Hogwarts, Severus could fall back to his familiar guise of hurling biting remarks and making the girl run back to her dorm. Things were worse. She was whispering all by herself," No one needs me for who I am. I am worthless...worthless...waste...mudblood." Grimacing at the last word, that slashing right on his sinful heart, Severus shifted the girl so that he could wedge his fingers under her chin and hold her face up.

Like a frightened foal, she stared back perplexed by how careful he was in his action. Making sure he had her full attention he spoke, that left no room for argument," This is what you are going to do right now, Miss Granger. You will grab the Hogwarts Letter from the kitchen countertop, you will get you things, I mean that wretched beads bag you have propped against the wall and we will both apparate out of your house, do I make myself clear?" Irritated by the way the girl continued to gap at him, he insisted," Nod your head girl!"

This was common knowledge that Granger worked best under an airtight set of authoritative directives. In no time had she extracted herself from his awkward hug and scurried about collecting the two items. But then she had fallen back to looking like a lost kitten soaked in her skin. Fending off strange premonitions and struggling against fearful thoughts of did the magical world ruin its brightest witch, Snape extended his palm to her. She had lunged for it in no time. How desperate was she to find an anchor? Where were her parents/ why wasn't anyone from the magical world, her dunderhead friends by her side? Without even asking his permission the girl had hugged him back with all her might, till Snape could feel the bones of her rib cage pressing hard into him. Heaving a sigh, schooling his features he had apparated both of them out of the Granger Residence at Hampstead.

The moment he managed to reappear on the barren field near the Cokeworth's haunted factory, Granger had vomited all the curdling alcohol she had managed to drink for so long. Delicious and hovering at the edge of losing her consciousness, she had rolled over on the ground. Concerned and worried, Severus picked her up and disillusioning both of them, he trudged along with the empty lanes till he reached the front door of his house at Spinner's end. Cursing himself for not bringing in some pepper up potion all the while, he supported the girl with one hand and opened the door. Shutting it close with his dragon hide boot, he waved his hand to light up the fireplace and the simple chandelier above the long worn-out couch in the living space.

Granger did not give him much time. She started convulsing horribly right within his arms. Dropping on his knees, Snape had supported her full weight by maneuvering her over his own long length, holding her shoulders tight with one arm, winding his legs over hers and in absence of a wooden stick to shove inside her mouth least she bit her own tongue, the man had wedged his own gloved palm in between her jaws.

If he could kill the dead Bellatrix Lestrange once again, he would love to test some of his sinister spells on her! Meanwhile, the girl rocked against him like a frail shrub of bamboo trees. He dared not to cast a body binding spell. Does Merlin know what had happened to her? She failed and went slug on him and he realized she had also soiled her clothes.

Holding her face up with his fingers tucked under her chin, he looked at her properly. Granger was just a shadow of her former self. She had lost weight drastically. Her cheekbones were jutting out, her eyes had shrunk deep in their sockets and she had large dark circles, indicating she had hardly slept for a long time. A swift flick of his hands had scrougified both of their clothes. At least that would save her from withdrawing from him in embarrassment. Picking her up, he carried her up to the couch and laid her on it. Bringing a small bowl of freshwater from the kitchen right next to the living space, and a wad of cotton, he sat near her head and started cleaning it with great care.

He watched the bowl fill up with murky water each time, he soaked the wet cotton back into it. By the time, Hermione's face looked fresh, the water had turned grey. Walking back to the kitchen he rinsed the bowl, threw away the soaked cotton wad in the bin. Washing his hand clean, shutting off the tap, he held on to the sink and sighed. What was she planning to do with herself? The more he tried to assess the situation, the more horrified he became. There were signs of self-starvation, she had not paid much attention to Minerva's letter- a sign of giving up on her passionate pursuit for knowledge and academic excellence. Hiding away in her own muggle house that was unplottable? What if he was not the secret keeper, Hell, what if she did not appoint a secret keeper? No one would know where to look? That sounded closer to self-entombment.

Severus Snape had to hold on to the sink tighter, till his wrists started aching, Hermione Granger was planning to kill herself! He had backed away from the sink and had gripped at his hair till the roots tingled with a dull ache. What if he was late? What if… shaking his head thoroughly, rubbing his palm over his face, he brought out his wand and murmured the incantation, "Expecto Patronum". The familiar doe looked distorted. The sight of a hazy animal did not upset him much. With the war over, with the Evil defeated, with Potter alive once again, Snape had felt hollow. He remembered reading a muggle short story, "the fly". The line "Time was the best healer" proved so trustworthy. Letting go of Lily was not different than watching the seasons change. He whispered," Don't worry Minnie, Miss Granger is safe. But she is sleeping right now. I will bring her along as soon as she wakes up."

Watching the doe sprint away clumsily, strengthened up, and walked back to the living area. The girl was still unconscious. Bringing a chair close to the couch, casting discreet healing spells with quick waves of his ebony wand, Snape was relieved to find nothing much to worry about. Her magical resources were still intact. Tapping his wand over his lips he debated for a while and then sat up, pointing its tip right over her chest he muttered," Rennervate."


	4. chapter 4

Disclaimer: the same as the previous chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

As expected, Hermione Granger did sit up straight with a start, by Snape noticed with raising displeasure how the girl never inched for her wand, nor did she say a word when her eyes met him as they sat face to face in his Spinner's End living space. He noticed the alarming aloofness that surrounded the girl's general disposition. To begin with, his living space was dotted with books, too many tomes stacked all over the place, which he never bothered to arrange. He found his own harmony in his haphazard living space. A place he only chose to live during the school breaks.

He watched her eyes. Saw them hover over his books then came back to look back at him dispassionately. Severus Snape, though infamous for his lack of patience, could harness a lot of it, under dire situations. A dispassionate Hermione Granger sitting on his worn-out couch without saying a single word let alone asking a million questions in a space of a single minute was a disaster waiting to happen.

Somewhere within her, something flipped and Granger's lips parted. Snape was waiting for this moment. He clenched his jaw, discreetly ran his thumb over the pad of his index finger, and waited for her first question. Well, he should have thought nothing is that simple about Miss Granger. The girl was a mountain of contradiction in itself. Looking at him with glassy eyes she stated," In my first potion's class, you never wanted to ask Harry a question. If you could, you would try hard to ignore him, given your history. But you asked nevertheless, the world along with Harry thought you were asking a simple straight forward potion's related question. But you are Severus Snape, there is nothing just simple about you. Is there? No, you are a well-read man. You might lack socializing skills, which of course you are at times horrible at. But you compensate for it with reading and learning. Like me, you read and read and read, till perhaps your head hurts. You know, even my head hurts. But I still keep reading. But Before I talk about myself, I must finish talking about you. So, yes, you had asked, "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?". The standard textbook answer to that is- if you did combine Powdered Root of Asphodel and an infusion of Wormwood, you'd brew a sleeping potion 'so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death."

When Snape did not interrupt her, well, of course, she was not even pausing to extract any reaction from him, she had just stopped to take in a deep breath, she started," That is something all purebloods, witches and wizards growing up in a stagnant society will expect as an answer. You are like the "Illuminati", she started rocking as her laughter rolled over her slim body," you were referring to the Victorian flower language. Harry might look like his father, but he has his mother's eyes. He has her qualities, which only you would have noticed in the very first place. You had to apologize, you had to say sorry to him. You said sorry to him in front of everyone. Severus Snape did say sorry…" her head snapped to one side but inside of crying in shock, inside to hurdling curses, Hermione Granger's shook with disquieting mirth. She laughed so hard, that her sides etched and she started coughing in no time, she continued to push herself.

Severus might have slapped her to make her shut up, but her subsequent reactions forced him to keep his annoyance aside. Leaning forward, he managed to hold her head firmly in place and snarled," Look at me, Look at me girl!" When Granger had managed to look back, her chest still rising up and down trying breath, he commanded her," Breath with me, Breath in", he inhaled slowly to demonstrate her, "and then, breath out", till he managed to exhale all of it out of his lungs. It took awhile for her to breathe normally, and she smiled back without even wincing," It is expected of you to have a strong hand. Your slap still stings Sir, but it does not sting as much as Mum's words do. It does not sting as much as Bellatrix Lestrange's curse does."

Severus felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes. Why had no one paid much attention to her until now? How long was this going on? Where were those two baboons when their dear friend needed them? Pulling her close he managed to rest his temple over her cold once. One of his hands slowing massaged her stiffened neck, while the other started drawing soothing circles on her back. He grimaced when he could feel her rib cage and her jutting spine.

His entire childhood and teenage years flashed across his mind. This house was still a long-standing witness to all that he had suffered through. And now, here was another soul about to give up after keeping it together for such a long time. Breathing in through his mouth, allowing those stray tears to roll over, Snape decided to give the teacher and student ethics a skip. Granger was beyond the point of recognizing herself as a student. She even failed to consider herself as a human being! He had been there, and he had lived through this. He won't inflict such a curse akin to his life on some else.

He managed to clear his throat and whisper back to her rather firmly," Miss Granger, you are not worthless." When the girl didn't respond, he pulled back, slightly but Granger had fallen all over him. The girl was unconscious and cold. Without even thinking much about it. He had picked her up and had nestled her close in his arms. Walking up to his burning hearth he sat close to it, letting the girl heat up. Bringing the lapels of his robes and cloak he covered her up. At the same time, he accioed his throw from the back of the couch and a blanket from upstairs to wrap her up.

He knew he should make her eat something, but the girl should be awake, to say the least. Granger was more manageable; he had noticed over the years if she was not kept in the dark about something. She did wake up after a while but then slipped back in a deep slumber. Snape continued to hold her within his arms. He could dare to leave her even for a second, fearing she might wake up and think of putting an end to her life. How many times had he been close to taking that step? Even after Sirius Black had slipped through the veil, Severus had often wished it was him instead of his bone of contention, that reckless Black!

Granger had continued to slumber, mumbling something or the other under her breath. At times, they were passages from textbooks, or a line of a poem or a song, or the periodic table, or the names of capitals of the countries of the world. But even among those random things, she kept on repeating, again and again, trying to project herself," I am not that worthless." Severus Snape with his billowing robes and his dark hair flanking his high cheekbones, his hooked nose sat vigil close to the burning heath, ensconcing her in his lean but constant warm body, thinking harder than ever. He of all the people will not stand and watch the brightest witch of this age, the brain of the golden trio wither away like this. He was responsible for her, just like he was responsible for all the other students. Hermione Granger was an anomaly in the Magical World. She was a star to be preserved.


	5. chapter 5

Disclaimer: The same as the previous chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Hermione Granger cocooned within the Headmaster's embrace wasn't actually sleeping. She was fending it off with all her might. She was trying hard to hold on to her sense of reality because falling over in the abyss of sleep would mean encountering her worst nightmares again and again. She kept holding on to the essence of this enigmatic man who had with all his darkness continued to keep her warm. She understood that even after having dealt with Dark Magic, even having lived enough the worst of magical beings, being hated by everyone, Severus Snape was humane enough to tell her she was worth it.

She kept mulling over the idea of telling him everything because something about his quiet disposition told her, she could trust him with all her secrets and he would happily carry them to his grave. She mustered the courage to begin afresh," I am sorry sir, that was uncalled for." The man encircling himself around her stiffened but murmured back," What made you think you are worthless?"

Rubbing her face over his cravat, she replied," Everything."

Heaving a sigh, schooling his features, Severus made an effort to get off the floor, but Hermione panicked and clung to him. Trying not to sound condescending he assured," I am not going anywhere, but Miss Granger, don't you think it is time for you freshen up a bit and have something substantial to eat. The last thing I checked, alcohol is not a healthy alternative." She pleaded, digging her head right under his chin," Does that mean you will leave?"

Snape realized he would be wasting his time assuring this frail girl verbally. So he simply stood up, cradling her in his arms and walked into the kitchen. Helping her settle on one of the two empty chairs, he squeezed her arm and walked up to the sink to fetch a glass of water. Within the walls of Spinner's End, he would always retract to his muggle bearings. Perhaps his father's constant abuse had ingrained the feeling of shredding his wizard's way of life at the entrance door and living according to his father's rules ever since. The man was long dead, but his enforced rules had defined Severus's habits in such depths that the man had failed to grow out of them.

Instead of flicking his wand and getting some potions, he walked up to the cupboard right outside the kitchen space and returned with some basic ones. Hermione had panicked when he walked out, but he made sure to be visible all the while for the girl to keep sitting down on her chair. When she had dutifully drunk about two glasses of water and gulped down all the potions he had brought over, he waited for her to start speaking.

Turning her head, taking in the sorry state of the whole place she stated," Sir, I can just keep talking, I feel I hadn't said a word for a long time?"

Studying her, the headmaster took a chance," Yes, we will talk, though before all that I want you to do something. Since you are currently in my house, under my protection, you will have to adhere to my set of rules, do you understand?"

When the girl had nodded in reply, he continued," Here's what we are going to do," leaning sideways, he opened a drawer below the kitchen counter and brought out several blank sheets and a muggle pen. Placing it in front of the confused girl he ordered," I want to write as many times as you can the sentence," My name is Hermione Jean Granger and I am not worthless.". I will be right here all the while." when her eyes had looked around in distress, he had softened his tone a bit and reasoned," I will be cooking a light dinner. Some warm soup, some crackers, and some slices of bread."

Not waiting for Granger's answer, he had shrugged off his robes, unbuttoned his frock coat, and walked right up to the pantry to collect some of the stored vegetables. Though he refrained from using magic on a daily basis, Snape did some basic alternation in the house after the fall of Voldemort. He had replicated freezing and warming conditions. The house was not quite insulated though he left the living area to its original state. He did wish for his visitors to know much about his private life. His other handiworks included establishing this unique walk-in pantry that could compete with modem muggle freezers and a sophisticated basement potions lab right below the house.

He chopped vegetables, cut through slices of chicken, set the pot over the fire, fetching a tie from within his trouser pockets, he tied back his long hair. He reasoned with himself, he did not care much that he was letting Granger see this side of his life, that even Minerva was not privy to. But when he watched all the ingredients boil in the pot together, he fumbled over the single question, "why?" even if his back was turned away from her, he watched her reflection falling on the surface of the steel muggle kitchen. This was lighter than the iron one he previously, he had got comfortable with it, musing in his mind," once in my whole day I won't feel like lifting weights." He was a nocturnal being and hated mornings with every atom of his body.

Even if her image was distorted, but it did not escape his watching eyes, that the girl was making an effort to hold the pen over a parchment. He waited with bated breath, praying that she would actually start writing something, straining his ears over the bubbling sound of the pot to catch the familiar scratching of a pen on a paper. Adding some seasoning to the pot, lightly toasting some slices of bread over another pan, he tried to plan out his next steps. It was inevitable that either Minerva would have to come and take the girl away, or he had to convince her to come along with him to Hogwarts, Spinner's End was never a congenial place for a person to recover from mental trauma.

A soft thud had made him jerk his head back. And in three long steps, he was beside the girl. The pen had slipped from her fingers, her head had lolled over the parchment, which was halfway smeared with blood. Granger had almost fainted again. But this time, under bright kitchen pendant light, Snape took in a sharp breath, as he gradually turned the insides of her arms and saw them soaked in her own blood. Looked up at her in utter dismay, the man had ripped her sleeves from the seams. Over both of her forearms roughly scored out were the letters MUDBLOOD. Only one was older than the other. But both were scored out by what could only be sharp blades. Breathing heavily, he thought of yelling at her own stupidity, but looking at her face he could say nothing.

Granger softly cried on, as he dashed about the place, bringing wads of cotton and rolls of clean bandage, dittany and blood replenishing potions. Cleaning both the wounds, he pointed his ebony wand over each of them and muttered a healing spell. Though her right arm began healing as expected, her left arm showed little progress. Fresh wounds began to heal, below them, the ridges of the letters of horrid word remained unaffected. Confused, he had narrowed his eyes and scrunched his brows, looking back at her, he found she too was looking at him.

In the heavy silence of the kitchen, Snape was aware of the smell of burnt bread, as Granger softly supplied," You look different when you don't hide behind those long locks, you look alive, I am sorry, I could not write anything after my first name, I don't think I am my mother's daughter anymore. I think Bellatrix was right. I am not worth it."

With a sharp intake of breath, the dour man had grabbed her head and held at it snugly over his wildly beating heart. Tears rolled out his sharp cheek. He had never before felt this helpless, felt so much for someone. Sniffing into her matted hair, he could only say," Believe me, Hermione, believe me, you are worthy of every ounce of magic this world has ever learned about."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: The same as the previous chapters.

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**Chapter 6**

Hermione kept watching Snape's back, as he busied himself with retrieving pots, pans, and serve-wares. Her eyes followed his hands and fingers as they worked over those many buttons. When he shrugged his robes off his shoulders, she realized that man was too thin for comfort. A small thought cropped up its head in her mind," what would the boys say if they ever saw for themselves, Snape's house, or his kitchen or him without his signature robes," Would Ron and Harry gag, roll their eyes and ask her in turn if she had hit her head hard in sleep?

Shaking her head she decided to get to the task at hand. An angry snape was the last thing she wanted to see right at this moment. Well did she imagine she would one day watch Snape cook the muggle way? She had panicked the very moment he started walking out of the room. But then the man had caught on fast. She realized he was agile because he was quite thin. If he wanted he could even float. Did Voldemort teach him how to fly because he had the added advantage of being light-footed? Could Muggle basic physics be applied in the magical world?

She tried not to wince as she picked up the muggle pen. Staring at it twirling it with her fingers, she thought, the man in front of her standing bent over the pot was rather comfortable with his muggle heritage. Who could have thought he was the half-blood prince? Clever, that was very clever. But then apart from joining the death eater's ranks was there any other foolish thing he did? Nope, he couldn't afford to? On the other hand, how many foolish deeds did the brightest witch end up doing in her little lifetime? Tapping the nib on the parchment, she etched the letter "M". one after the other, she dared to write every letter, trying hard not to cry aloud. But she simply couldn't bring herself to carry on after the letter "H". Her heart ached, her head swayed and her arms were on fire.

Suddenly he was there by her side. He had ripped off her sleeves and now, she couldn't even pull away, her scarred arms and hide them. His wand had healed much of those knife marks, but she mused, could muggle knives replicate the work of a superior magical one? She was for a long time feeling quite cold when suddenly he had wrapped her up with his warm embrace. Warm, how to the snarling, snarky, greasy potion master, cold and heartless, be warm? She kept looking for clues, wondering that this was some dream she had tumbled into, and the harsh reality was just a pinch away.

But Severus did not strike her. He did not yell, neither did he throw her out of this strangely comfortable dark house that smelt of dust, books, and potions. He had simply got up and brought a bowl full of creamy soup and a quarter of a loaf. As the aroma of the seasoning hit her nostrils, her mouth watered. But the next moment she had doubled down. He was expecting it anytime, transfiguring a tumbler into a small bucket, he sat patiently beside her, holding her hair away from her face.

It had taken her some more time to feel somewhat relieved. She managed to steal a couple of glances at the quiet man before her, then turning her head away, she closed her eyes in shame. Something cold touched her lips. Jerking her head up, she saw him holding a glass of water right before her face. He helped her drink bit by bit. Then when the tumbler was empty, he put that aside and picked up a spoon. Blowing over the hot soup, he held it right before her parted lips.

As delicious creamy vegetable and chicken soup rolled over her parched tongue, drenched the insides of her mouth and lost itself by running down merrily through her equally dry throat, she felt warmth creeping itself way down to her empty stomach. She watched in a daze, how his thin lips would draw themselves into forming a perfect "o" and steadily blow over, sending tiny ripples, setting perhaps a tempest on the fluid holding onto its dear life within the small space of a spoon. A little later he tore a small piece of the loaf and held it over to her. Her mother used to feed her when she came down with the stomach flu. Her father would read her stories of great adventures from those big fat books they had on the living room shelves. Parents. SHe could think anymore.

Severus watched as Hermione obediently continued to accept food from his hand. Honestly, the magical world had so much to learn even after it had seen two horrible wars. A child is the worst victim of war. And here in front of him, trying to helplessly hold on to her diminishing courage, was the bravest child soldier, he had the honor to teach. He would have to thank Fate that he had come upon her, rather than Minerva, or Potter or perhaps Molly Weasley. Those people would shower her with questions, she wasn't even prepared to face by herself. When she had started whimpering again, he dared to show her something more. After tending to her bleeding hands, he had placed them on the table. For recovering, the girl had once again kept them on the table. Wedging his fingers under her trembling ones, he had given them a soft squeeze. It was a daunting task, to feed someone and on the side over her reassurance every passing minute. After she had managed to finish off the bowl and had eaten at least three fourth of the loaf he had brought out for her, she sniffed and murmured something. Snape had to strain his ears to catch the word. "Bathroom?" He got up and stood beside her. Helping her up to the door of the bathroom right next to the stairs he stood turning away, simply because the girl had looked up at him and had asked," Stay?"

He had helped her back to the living space. No sooner had she sat on the couch, she had slid over. Laying on her side, she kept watching those flames at the hearth. Covering her with his throw and the discarded blanket, he thought of getting something clean and fresh for her to wear. She had to take a bath and she needed fresh clothes. But Granger's hand had shot out and grabbed at his wrist. Her eyes had pleaded as the word yet again tumbled through her parted lips, "Stay?"

It was quite unbecoming of him to sit down on the floor, but this night was all about surprising the world with things they least expected from Severus Snape. His eyes were at the same level with those of hers. They were red shot, still innocent enough to make Snape feel utterly miserable. Granger was looking back at him, while her fingers toyed with the edge of the blanket. His patience paid off in the end because the girl said something other than measuring her unworthiness. "You were right Sir, one cannot rely on books alone. I have messed up big time. Bellatrix too never leaves me alone, she is always there hiding behind my eyes. Memory charms are tricky things, I wonder how powerful you are as a legilemen...Sir, would you mind, if I ask you help me defeat Bellatrix, that witch didn't die...she lives…"

Severus Snape had kept on watching the girl until her eyes drooped and she started snoring softly. The Ministry of Magic had themselves burnt away Bellatrix's remains. The witch was never going to come back for real. And he will move mountains if it comes down to it to chase away this ghost from Hermione Granger's mind.


	7. chapter 7

Disclaimer: The same as the previous chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

As he sat before her sleeping form, cross-legged on the damp floor of his living room, mindful not to block the warmth radiating from the fireplace, Severus Snape heaved a sigh, when Hermione's soft snores became regularised. He hated the fact that he resorted to cheating, but what else could he do? The girl's stark self-inflicted knife wounds had jolted him to his very core.

How many times in his own life did he try to kill himself? He had engineered his father's death. And he was not sorry for that. The man had made both of his mother's and his own life a living hell. As he watched the man die in front of his own eyes and sat still, he had brought out a pocket knife. There on the very chair, Granger had sat in his dismal kitchen, he had slit his wrists. But, Lily's face had made him pick up his wand and speak the spells that would heal those wounds.

But that was not the first time, was it? No, definitely not. Hogwarts and Lily had been his only avenue to escape this hell hole. At Hogwarts, he had toiled harder, harder than perhaps any other student who attended that school during his tenure. Avoiding the Marauders had become a game in itself. They puny four boys couldn't do him more harm than his own father, could they? Though Snape wasn't expected to get hazed and tested by the aristocratic boys of his own house. Tied to a boy's toilet, being fed soap and soiled water, beaten and cursed, and then left alone to himself for hours on the old and wet floor, Flinch had discovered him, but not until Peeves too had had his fill with him.

Dumbledore and Minerva were intimated by a worried Poppy when his fever refused to come down. He would have given up on life once again if Lily had not visited him one night. Neither did his best friend utter a word, nor could he say anything back to her. They had just looked at each other sorrowfully and then she had quietly turned away and walked out of the hospital wing. He tried to jump off the Astronomy Tower after the incident at the Shrieking Shack.

Granger in many ways reminded him of his younger self. How he worked hard, studied till his eyes burnt, pushed himself to learn more and more, just to be in the good books of Albus Dumbledore. He always thought a principal would be a star example for students to immaculate. The Slytherins paid him in magical knuts or in-kind to get their homework done, the Hufflepuff stayed away from him because of his constant scuffles with the boisterous duo James Potter and Sirius Black. The Ravenclaws kept challenging his intelligence in the most subtle ways possible. But above all, he yearned to be noticed by Dumbledore.

Smirking to himself, Severus murmured," Oh, he did notice, he did notice when I was neck-deep into dark waters, and ever since I was his pawn." The Shrieking Shack incident taught he was truly on his own. A lonely existence of such a brilliant mind was a punishment in itself. When he saw Granger slipping into that horrid abyss, he rolled in years ago, he couldn't help but hold on her weak arms.

"I just couldn't see it happen again. Even this time it had to be a bright mind losing itself. Maybe that is what I will tell Minerva." Opening his cufflinks, he rolled over his sleeves and rubbed the top of the faded dark mark. Only Poppy and he knew where those thin ridges were. Rubbing his finger over them, he shuddered. There was still time for him to take that particular step and share this part of his life with someone. And in case, Granger needed an example to look up to and take her first steps back to being the brightest witch of the age, he might have to help her see things. At least this was clear the girl was going to cling on to his like a parasite for some time.

Granger would sleep for some time because Severus had bent his own rule and had slipped in a few drops of Sleeping Draught into the soup. The fireplace behind him roared up and in moments Draco Malfoy stepped into the living room. Looking at the Headmaster sitting cross legged on the floor and then at Hermione Granger lying on the man's couch, he tilted his head in the direction of the kitchen and without saying a word walked towards it.

When Snape had made his way through the kitchen door, he saw the man was already brewing two cups of tea for both of them. Accepting his own black mug, he took a sip as Draco settled himself on the opposite chair. His godson had already noticed the dirty bowl, and the leftover soup, he had even taken into account the bread crumbs laying around the chopping board.

After the death of his father at the battle of Hogwarts, both Narcissa Malfoy and Draco Malfoy had been tried at Wizengamot and were exonerated of their crimes, because of their clandestine roles in bringing down the Dark Lord. The mother and the son had renounced many of the Malfoy properties and had moved into Andromeda Tonk's countryside cottage to help the lonely woman bring up the infant Ted Lupin.

Remus Lupin had survived the war, but he couldn't manage to save his wife. Severus had voted the man to come back and rejoin the post of the DADA professor. At the same time the Ministry of Magic had roped him in to deal with the werewolf crisis. The ministry was planning to negotiate and bring down animosity between various magical creatures. So that in future another Dark Lord could not turn them against each other. It was better this way, since the sensitive man could manage very little time to drown himself in mourning and neglect his responsibilities to his family and son. Snape and he had drawn out a plan so that the man could divide his time between Hogwarts, the ministry work and family.

When both Minerva and Andromeda had voiced their concern, Severus reasoned" He told me, he cannot look at Ted in the eye, He cannot pick his boy up in his arms thinking and blaming himself for not trying harder enough to save Nymphadora. This is the only way he can grow his confidence back. Remus is a doting father, trust me, he will not neglect Ted."

The wizardry families were more close than they had been prior to the war. Thus Draco's sudden arrival was not so sudden at all. The young man might have overheard something and was smart enough to work the rest out on himself. Putting his cup down after having his fill he inquired," So, how bad is she?"

As he had allowed his godson to study him and his kitchen minutely, he too was busy formulating a way to make the man speak. Draco had a habit of sharing his thoughts with Severus, because deep inside he preferred the potion master as a guardian rather than his absentee father, who was most interested in money, expanding his fame and wealth rather than building up strong bonds with his nuclear family. For a long time, everything in the Malfoy family had just been reduced to living up to the pretense.

Clearing his throat, placing his cup down gently on the table, Snape looked straight at Malfoy and softly uttered," Draco, I wish to know what actually happened at the Manor that day, and this time I would let it pass. The girl's life is in danger now."

Malfoy's eyes had bulged out, he had then turned his face towards the general direction of the living area, opening and closing his mouth in disbelief, he had bowed his head in shame, thumbing his fists on the table a couple of times, then gripping his head in his both hands, pulling at his hair, he pleaded," Why? Do you think she is losing it?" Why? Severus, why can't you ask anyone else?"

"Because, I prefer to listen to the whole of it from you because your father had spent hours bragging about how bravely you stood and watched she getting tortured by Bellatrix and because Draco, I think you are in no better position than she is," Snape sat back, waiting for the man to give in.

Draco tried to bait," did she say something about it? Is that why you are asking me?"

"Miss Granger thinks Bellatrix lives in her mind." Snape dropped the sentence in front of the man in such a matter, that he found it too different to blink for a couple of seconds.

A length, Malfoy had sucked up a long breath and said," Oh! Merlin."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: The same as the previous chapters.

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**Chapter 8**

"Draco! Be reasonable! you can end up saving her life," Severus Snape from across the table.

But the boy was still grappling about, he stammered," I have nothing to do with his present state, don't drag me into this!"

Grabbing his sleeves and pulling him forward, Snape hissed in agitation," That girl was once your classmate. She was too good to be true, so you wanted to beat her in every possible way. But when you couldn't, you waited for her to lose it. And now that she is giving up, you are glad deep down, you disgust me, like your father."

The young man jerked his arm away and retorted with all the pent up anger he had been harbouring ever since he was forced to take up the task of killing Dumbledore. " Shove it, Severus! I am nothing like my father. You don't know what Bellatrix did to her, you were not there!"

Throwing him a crude look Snape uttered drily," yet, I have a fair idea, how that lunatic worked." Giving no room for the other to retaliate, he continued," But ideas cannot help Granger, not when she has made several attempts to commit suicide."

Draco made a sound at the back of his throat and flopped back on his empty chair. He couldn't believe his ears, "Granger, attempting suicide?"

"Exactly, and I would hang you by your feet if you breathe a word about it to anyone else."

He vowed then and there," I won't you want to extract a blood oath, I don't mind…"

Schooling his features, Severus tried again," That wouldn't be needed, Draco, but you can of course help in other ways."

"Can I have some time to think over it?"

"I found Granger, hiding in her muggle house, starving herself to death. Not technically, she had been drinking alcohol. Only alcohol. There was nothing else but for some newspapers, her 8th-year acceptance letter sent by Minerva and a matchbox. If she would have failed to die out of starvation, she might have wished to set fire…"

That did it, Malfoy had scrambled out of his chair and was kneeling next to him, " Just do it...but I don't know how far...you will know, why I was hesitating…"

Putting his hand over his godson's thin shoulder he looked apologetic," Draco, I wouldn't force you, not when the memory functions as a burden…"

He pleaded," But if you see it once, you can save her..right...you will see several things, that I took no notice of...you can save her…," he sounded convinced and determined," no, no Severus, you must save her. She is worthy. She is the soul of present Magical Britain, I don't care what others will have to say about it, but I think she must be saved, Severus, I will try, just say the spell…"

Levitating the empty chair next to him, he gestured to the delirious man to sit up. Snape was aware the boy would need to calm his nerves. Or else the entire experience could be painful. He tried to coax him to take the easier path once again," Legilemancy, especially if I am attempting it right now, might hurt you. Draco you can always tell me about it. I think you should try that."

"Severus...please...just look for yourself you will understand why I am begging you…"

Sighing heavily, the Headmaster brought out his ebony wand and peered back at the ashen man," you can count till ten, meditate, calm yourself in whichever way you feel like. Once you are comfortable...nod! Precisely twenty seconds later, Malfoy nodded curtly and the owner of the house hissed," Legilemens."

Severus Snape soon found out why the boy was reluctant initially and so insistent about it. His mind was literally hanging by a cliff. It was torn and tattered beyond that surface of a calm and boring mirror he had conjured as an occluding shield. Mirror was Narcissa's favourite imagery. Though Bellatrix preferred to arrange her thoughts behind grotesque mirrors of a circus glasshouse. Wicked minds would always work in wicked ways, Snape had reasoned after slipping in her mind for the very first time. The hag had tried teaching Draco Legilemancy, she was not aware, Narcissa had been training the boy in Occlumency since he had turned ten.

Snape was aware he could walk through the transparent surface of their mirror because Draco Malfoy had permitted his entrance. The whole mind space was like a ruined ground. Something similar to a scrap yard. But Draco has never been to one, the headmaster reasoned as he picked his way through the debris and smoke. The sky above was clouded and the air smelled of dead and decay. He realized at once, Draco's occluding powers were not fairing while after the war.

Stopping at an edge of piled desks, chairs, burnt books, and school accessories, Snape understood the man's experience at the Room of Hidden Things and the shock of watching his classmate dying on his own fiendfyre had had an everlasting effect on his mind. Scraps of parchments kept swirling around. When one such piece fluttered next to him, he felt the boy panic and grabbed at it instinctively.

The very next moment he was inside Draco's body and the man was kneeling in a muggle bedroom. By the soft hues splashed over the walls, Snape understood it belonged to a girl. He watched through Draco's eyes and saw that they were fixed over a small place on the wall beside the window. The word 'princess' was written in red crayon. And above it, a small tiara is drawn. But someone had scratched and peeled it haphazardly and had written Mudblood with permanent black. He could hear several voices coming from downstairs, as well as the other rooms on the same floor. Someone was cursing and others were having a heated debate. Malfoy shrugged and pointed his wand at the word and whispered," Evanesco".

Moments later, he turned and threw open the closet doors hard enough to draw attention to the other death eaters prowling in the other room. Yaxley banged open the bedroom door and spat," proving yourself an utter nuisance once again feather boy, got a clue, where the mudbloods' hiding?"

Draco looked back at him and shrugged," look for yourself, there is nothing in here." and stepped aside.

Within seconds, Snape was out of his mind and Malfoy held his head in his two hands, sensed the telltale throbbing headache, and was eager to come back, and torment him. He had the man's soft voice," They took you to raid, Granger's place?"

He laughed dispassionately," Mulciber thought that experience would teach me some things since my own father had failed to instill the sense of iron resolve in me! I believe they would have forced me to massacre the family and then do unspeakable things to Granger and finally drag her to the Dark Lord. 'She must be kept alive, even if barely,' was his exact order."

Snape whispered," you care for her?"

"Draco looked back at him, and smirked," why do you think I kept hitting on her for all those years?"


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: The same as the other chapters. I recommend readers to reread the last few chapters since I have done a major change in the plot.

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**Chapter 9**

Snape studied his godson fondly. It was seldom the Draco was so forthcoming about his true feelings. The boy found it easier to show his disgust and objection but hid his personal preferences too well for others to notice. Tapping his wand over his other palm he suggested," I think we should take a break. You should go back. Your mother will get worried. But I would like you to come back. And reconsider the other option. I know things are too fresh…"

Malfoy added hastily," But I would like to help in all possible ways. Can you...would you…" he trailed off eyeing Snape's potion closet desperately. The potion master retrieved a vial of Dreamless draught and thrust it into his godson's waiting palms," Don't get addicted." The boy nodded, getting up, smoothly transferred the potion vial in his pockets. They both heard the fireplace getting activated once again and crept back into the living room.

It was Remus Lupin's face hovering in the bright green face. Snape watched Draco stiffen slightly. But Remus's eyes were fixed over Hermione's sleeping form. The host waved his hand asking the newcomer to step in. Shaking off those residual specs of soot, Lupin had grabbed at Malfoy's shoulder. He urgently whispered," Go back, your mother is beyond herself, you should have at least informed her you were visiting Severus." Patting his back he pushed the boy towards the fireplace. Nodding at Snape curtly, Malfoy vanished into the blazing flames.

Lupin had in the meantime walked closer to the sleeping girl and was intently studying her. He sighed and turned to Snape. " Did you spike her drink?" The potion master curled his lips and walked back to the kitchen.

When the two men sat opposite each other, Lupin said softly," I came as soon as I heard. When Molly floo called Arthur, I was there. I went back home and heard Draco was missing and Narcissa was worrying herself. The boy is suffering, Severus. We are worried, he might end up doing something stupid."

Snape placed a steaming cup of tea in front of the tried man and mumbled," No he won't. He is coming back to Hogwarts. He has promised me, he wouldn't try anything stupid."

"Granger doesn't look good either."

Once the headmaster had narrated in brief how he found the girl and brought her here, Lupin sat back dumbfounded. "You were right all this while. You told me not to pine for Dora and forget everything else. You were right, even you said, several would crumble down once the war was truly over. We were lucky today. At least she had the presence of mind to make you the secret keeper."

"Foolish girl," Snape grunted.

Remus smirked and asked," How are you?" Though the question was quite a simple one, it threw Snape off. He retorted tersely," You point exactly?" The werewolf rolled his eyes and politely explained," I know what I am looking at when I saw Granger. I smelt the potions, vomit, urine, alcohol, and blood. The full moon was two nights back, Severus. You might have vanished everything... I know that pattern. Therefore I am asking as a friend, how are you holding up?"

Closing his eyes shut, Snape inhaled and exhaled and said," She was about to give up. Actually, she had given up. She had slashed her arms...Remus, I had thought of Lily, when I had done the same thing, those many years ago, sitting in this very kitchen with my father lying dead right there. I know if I had delayed for a few minutes, I wouldn't have the strength to say the counterspell. She didn't have that luxury. She was not thinking of Potter or Weasley. She was rather obsessed with the thoughts of Bellatrix. She was belittling herself and she sounded close to a lunatic."

"My goodness! If her parents are not home, if she has managed to hide them somewhere, we need to contact them at the earliest. Did she tell you anything? The muggle relations department has taken up the case. But they can be anywhere it will take weeks to locate them," Lupin grew concerned.

"She is in no state for coherent conversation, she was laughing at one point and then crying in the very next minute. It was like she is ready to embrace madness if she has failed to kill herself. She said she couldn't sleep for days. She strongly believes Bellatrix is living in her mind. She thinks she is a disgrace to her parents. I am certain she is subconsciously drawing parallel with Voldemort and Harry's mental connection," Snape explained gravely.

"I remember clearly her boggart was Minerva giving her a failed grade. She strived too hard for excellence. I reckon she is too weak for you to try legilimency. I remember she was tortured by Bellatrix at the Malfoy Manor," Leaning forward, the man expectantly urged," Draco, what did Draco say?"

Shaking his head, the host drank up his tepid tea and made a face. The whole experience was freezing his senses and Snape knew he would have to double his efforts. He would need to take care of both Draco and Hermione, without jeopardizing their mental health. "His mind is too fragile for me to attempt extensive legilimency. He is incapable of narrating his experience. It frightens him. Gregory Golyle's death has had an everlasting impression in his mind. His mindscape looks like a barren land, savaged by a gruesome battle. The place is littered with ashes and half-burnt books, parchments and chairs, and desks. His memories flutter about like scraps of parchments. We will have to deal with him cautiously. Lucius was too hard on that boy. It is good for both the mother and the son to move in with you all. I feel Teddy's presence would work magic. Remus, this year we need to be extra cautious."

"Yes, I understand. Flitwick and I were discussing the other day about installing special alarm spells, in dorms, and common rooms to alert us if a student is having any trouble. Poppy suggested we would need to befriend them, I know it sounded ridiculous…"

Snape huffed," No it does not. It is the first step. But we will have to tread cautiously. And I will have to work harder than any of you. And that is easier said than done. I have acted the part of the villain and suddenly my saintly disposition will throw the students off."

"I think the best way to do that is through your action. Your brevity of words turns you into a pariah. Hermione and Draco can function as a practice ground!" Lupin chuckled emotionlessly. He tapped Severus's bare wrists and muttered," After I turned back and returned to the dorm, James pulled me aside and told me everything, that's when Lily overheard. We knew she would visit you. Even I visited you. You were pale as death. Madam Pomphrey found me hunched over you, but she showed me, in order to convince me, I truly didn't touch you. I never forgave Sirius and James. But then, just like Lily was your only friend, so were those three for me."

"Enough, we would gain nothing for reminiscing the past, Lupin. Rather I should ask, how are you doing?" Severus drawled, mentally satisfied that he had succeeded in stirring the man away from depressing thoughts.

"I am adhering to your instructions, living life one day at a time. Strange, when did you turn philosophical? I remember your hands being always full," Lupin tried joking but he knew it was a horrible attempt.

The dour man drawled," You of all the people should not ask it of me, Professor Lupin. For a lonely man, time does not gallop it walks at a snail's pace."

"Severus rather this one applies to both of us, 'The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly', the DADA professor whispered.

Getting up, he shook the Headmaster's hand and requested," If things turn too personal, just send a Patronus. I will keep an eye on Draco. He is more like Harry, just a little more private. But then I can be very patient. Don't worry, just concentrate on getting Granger back on her feet. I will tell Minerva and Poppy. I feel Poppy can visit her…"

" Remus, I think it is better we shift her to Hogwarts. She will have to stay under our strict supervision. I have an idea of making Draco and Hermione the Head Boy and Head Girl. I will propose this to the other staff members. I don't think anybody would oppose it, given the situation. We will have to alert the staff at least. Our minds don't heal as fast as our body does," staring at the girl sleeping on his worn-out couch, Snape muttered.

Remus had whispered close to his ears," We will get there one day at a time," before he flooed away. Severus couldn't help but smile at the fact Remus Lupin had grown a strange liking for idioms and phrases. He fancied getting in a war of riddles with the man when the school was back in session. Bringing his armchair closer to the couch, he picked up a random book. But instead of reading it, he held it in his hands lazily and watched Granger snore, wondering how personal will it turn for him? When would he call for Remus's help? How was he going to determine the difference between personal and too personal?


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: The same as the other chapters. I recommend readers to reread the last few chapters since I have done a major change in the plot.

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**Chapter 10**

The girl shot up and gaped at him in absolute horror. Before Snape could say a word, she had leaped on him and had hugged him with a vice grip. Trembling like a leaf, Hermione had whispered into his ears, “Why is she everywhere? She is everywhere. But I see her as well. She is everywhere.”

Severus Snape’s eyes darted around his living room and he had to force himself to remember that it was honestly empty but for the two of them. Still, holding on to the armrest, in case, he did something inappropriate like hugging her back he spoke,” Who is Everywhere Miss Granger?”

“Not who. They. They are everywhere.” She shifted her head to hide her face at the crook of his neck. He was acutely aware of her warm breath and her wet face. The girl was sobbing. 

“And, where are they? Forgive me, I can’t turn my head…”

“I am telling you, Sir. Trust me, they are standing in the shadows. And the shadow is moving like dementors…”

He looked around once again. As far as he could see, it was dark. Only the dark flimsy curtains of the living room window were swaying slightly. Cautiously retrieving his wand from his arm hoister, he mumbled,” Lumos Maxima.”

Steading his nerves, Snape shifted slightly and nudged at the girl still wrapped around him,” Miss Granger? Miss Granger?”

The girl whimpered.

He spoke once again,” Miss Granger, do you see them now?”

Her head shifted a bit and she must have looked around for a moment. Severus waited, holding his breath. Her head fell back and she was sniffing and crying.

 _O! Dear!_ Severus could only think of these two words, before bringing his arms around the trembling witch and debating which would be the appropriate place to rest them...he didn’t hug many people in his life. And he had only hugged Lily when they were children. 

She had started convulsing and he knew the only medicine to treat the after-effects of the everlasting Cruciatus Curse was by wrapping the victim tightly. He hugged her forcefully. In order to stop her shaking head from giving his bloody nose, he brought his hand up in order to cup the nape of her neck and waited for the episode to pass.

He was acutely aware of the armchair protesting under their joint weight. One of her legs had knocked off the side table. He glanced at the potions books laying around his side and the broken empty coffee mug and wondered. How easily I can fix a cup! All I need is a short swish of my wand and a properly spelled “Reparo”. I wish someone would come up with a spell that can fix a broken mind or a broken heart…

When she spoke at length, her voice was raspy. She was nearly inaudible, but given their proximity, he could hear her anyway. 

“When I opened my eyes, I saw darkness. I thought, it was…”

“Bellatrix?” he offered.

“Yes, I can never forget her curly hair, there was that horrid burnt smell hanging about her. I could smell it in her clothes and also in her breath. I can still remember those embroidered black sequels rubbing against my raw skin. She had ripped off clothes. I was not exactly naked. But torn clothes could only do little to hide my shame. And then the curse. I had read about them. I strongly believed you were frequently being tortured as well. You might wear dark clothes to hide away several things. But I noticed, you never held a vial or brewed a potion on Mondays. You would rather sit down and peer at us from the dais. The first time her curse hit me I felt my mind actually shredding into pieces. I would have let go...I won’t have rattled about Harry or our secret mission. But I would have certainly given up. But at the last moment, I saw your face. I saw you gripping the quill on a Monday potion class and pursing your lips to hide those spasms. That gave me strength. Harry and Ron will never understand.”

Her confession had jolted his heart to a quick start. It was pumping more breath, making him flush and grow conscious. He knew he needed to get through the girl on his lap, so he bit his tongue and muttered,” Only the brave can live through a bout of Cruciatus Curse.”

“She had cursed me seven times. Each one of them had lasted for seven minutes. Even when she carved that word on my arm, she intentionally overlapped the two ’o’ to make it look like one letter. Seven is a powerful number.”

He blinked his eyes and rubbed his chin on her voluminous hair feeling helpless. She was too young to actually learn the dark side of life. He felt his tears roll over his cheek and for once, Severus Snape was not ashamed to cry. 

Sniffing a couple of times, he asked,” You said ‘they’. Who else did you see in the shadows, Hermione?”

The girl shifted again, pressing herself firming against him, she whimpered and rubbed her face over his cravat. He could feel her fingers gripping at his shoulders. Thinking fast, he started kneading the nape of her neck. She sighed and slumped back feeling exhausted. 

He nearly thought she had gone back to sleeping, when she whispered,” I saw my mother.”

“And?”

“She was yelling at me. Telling me how I disgust her, how she wished I was a better daughter. Everyone in Hogwarts thinks I am a bookworm. You too have come up with a name- “insufferable-know-it-all”. When I wrote about it to Mum. She said nothing. That summer during holidays, she said you were right, at least about that insufferable part.”

Severus had started to shudder. Hugging Granger with all his might he rocked on the chair and apologized with only his books and the fireplace as a witness,” I am sorry, Miss Granger. There was nothing insufferable about you, on the contrary, I waited for your questions. I looked forward to reading your assignments.”

The girl in his arms sobbed on,” It is a constant fact. Neither of us can do anything about it. I know Malfoy’s father was giving him a hard time. I pretended not to see much in his subtle ways of hiding it. But I just had to know, learn, and remember everything. For eleven years, I never had a friend. I had my parents. Mum and Dad. Both working. I had a kitten once who died when a car accidentally ran over her. That’s why I picked up Crookshanks. I hid them well, my parents and Crookshanks. I altered their memories. I wanted to ask your help, but then I knew it was not safe. I sent them to Australia. Arranged alias names. Everything. I went back as soon as the War was over. I found them. I couldn’t retrieve my father’s memory.”

She had hugged him tightly once again and was now crying her heart out. Snape could only shift her against him and cradle her head, rubbing his hand over her thin back, he could feel her spine and her ribs under his palm. He answered the rest for her,” But you had managed to undo the memory charm and retrieve the memories in case of your mother.”

Granger’s words slurred and her grip around him loosened,” When I woke up I also thought you were Hades, waiting for me at the dock of River of hatred, Styx. You, with that perpetual look of gloom, and bitterness, you resemble Hades. The Lord of the Underworld. Hades who Persephone is long dead.” 

Even after the girl had fallen asleep, this time most definitely out of exhaustion, her snarky and bitter professor continued holding on to her. He had cried along with her. He had relieved his own past side by side. And he had wondered again and again, how come the most marvelous minds are the most misunderstood ones?

Patting her back affectionately, he remembered her feat at both casting strong memory charms on not one but two people, that too, muggle-borns and as well as her success in fixing it back in her mother’s case,” Miss Granger do you know by doing that you have achieved the unthinkable. Foolish Girl, absolutely foolish and astonishing magnificent witch.”

Kneading the nape of her neck, because he had figured, that made her feel better. In turn that made him feel sane enough, Snape uttered 'nox'. Watching the flames of his gloomy fireplace he thought of the girl's mythological references. In her mind, he was Hades and Lily was Persephone. Granger's self-esteem was thoroughly battered because she thought herself as a sinned soul traveling across the most notorious river. Styx, the river of Hatred.

He spoke counting her soft breath,” Henry David Thoreau once said, ''Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” One fine morning you too will see the end of this dark tunnel, little witch."

She had managed to read him inside out, knew about his habits, at least made an effort to see through his pretense. Only, she made the most common mistake of thinking that he hated her much like anyone else. Shuddering inwardly, Snape rubbed his lips over her hair, because he couldn't just bring himself up to drop a kiss. As he watched morning brighten up his living room gradually, he confessed," I never hated you, Hermione Granger."

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A/N: At times, writing this fic, gets to close to home. I don't plan to abandon any of my work, but if you find me gone for a while, just keep in mind, I am nursing some of those old wounds which I might have accidentally pried open. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Draco have a late-night conversation.

Disclaimer: The same as the previous chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Jolting up from his bed, Draco opened his mouth and screamed. Thankfully, he had placed strong silencing spells around the bed and also at the doors and the windows. The first night at Tonks Cottage, his screams had brought the whole household to his room. Above that, Teddy Lupin had started screaming his lungs out. 

The small baby was instinctive enough to notice the lack of his mother. Each time someone took him in his or her arms, few of his strands would turn fluorescent pink, and then they would wane off. Accidentally the baby had taken a liking to Draco. Never been around babies, the Slytherin was beyond himself, when Narcissa had dropped the baby on his lap and innocently pleaded,” I need to be with Dora in the garden, why don’t you watch over him?” Remus Lupin had returned home to find Draco dozing off with Teddy draped over his chest, fast asleep, his thumb still inside his mouth.

Wiping his face off, Draco recalled, over dinner his mother had asked, while the others pretended to be vaguely interested,” How did you come with the idea of holding Teddy like that?”

He thought of ignoring her and even lying to her. But at the end, he realized his mother happened to be as deprived of affection as he was at the Malfoy Manor. Lowering his eyes at his plate he had whispered,” Whenever I was upset, I had this strange yearning, like I wanted to jump into your arms, bury my head, hide from the rest world, and cry, really cry my heart out. I know he is missing his Mum,” he shrugged,” I thought maybe...well, that's why.”

Sniffing, Narcissa had placed her hand over his knee under the table and informed,” You used to do just that, come running out of nowhere, face pale, eyes wide...you would just stop right in front of me. I would instinctively kneel down, and you jump straight into my lap, and let all hell loose.”

This frankness was new into their relationship. Both the mother and son had Andromeda and Remus to thank that for. Talking about feelings, expressing themselves openly was frowned upon in the Malfoy family. Draco didn’t know what came upon him, but one minute he was having dinner mechanically, and the next moment, he was sharing his first encounter with a feisty white peacock, at the age of three.

Aunt Dora was laughing along with his mother, when he whined,” How was I supposed to know those were birds with horrible temper, worse than the Malfoy males! I thought those could truly fly, like broomsticks!”

“Oh! I knew that one, I used to call it Bino. Never got rid of him, even threatened the house-elves to keep quiet over the matter. This fine young man never went snooping around the garden after that. All I had to say, ‘Draco, you do know Bino is watching you? Now be a good boy,” she threw her head back and laughed heartily.

“Mother!” his cheeks coloured but he was grinning all this time. Remus had cleared his throat and shared,” Oh! Well, I spend my childhood in a mixed community. One of our muggle neighbours had this huge dog. It was a mastiff. I can safely say, I too thought at one time, it was a strange-looking horse,” when Dora had huffed, and Nacrissa’s eyes glinted, he waved his hand, rolling his eyes at Draco,” well, just like you, I was three. Climbed up its back, and pulled at its leash and as expected it to take off. It did start running... Turning round and round, with me still holding on to the leash with my dear life...that was the first time I did accidental magic and since Dad was not around, and Mum was a muggle… let’s just say, I mucked it up. For long, I blamed Morse, that was the dog’s name, to be one to turn his drool into this giant bubble that practically lifted both of us off the ground.”

Getting out of the bed, Draco went looking for the werewolf. 

Remus was sitting down at the dinner table. Running his fingers over his late wife’s picture, he carried in his purse, he blinked and rubbed his eyes at the hilt of his palm. 

“Draco, is that you?” he called out softly.

The blonde boy appeared at the threshold and apologized,” I am sorry I didn’t…”

Waving his hand the DADA professor invited him in,” We don’t practice insane formalities in this house. Come in. I knew you were up. Nightmares are nasty things. I wish those stupid dementors sucked on them instead of happy memories. Would you like to have some chocolate?”

“If only you show me how to make it,” Malfoy smirked.

Settled with a warm cup in both their hands, Draco cleared his throat and asked,” I don’t want to pry…”

“Just ask!” Lupin chuckled.

“Do you still get nightmares about Greyback?” 

Remus chuckled again, only this time there was no emotion attached to it,” Yes, one of my worst nightmares. I thought he would become my boggart for a long time, but it turned out, I was most afraid of my transformation.”

“So you can force your boggart change?” Draco asked, genuinely interested.

“Your Godfather would say, there is nothing that cannot be achieved through discipline, perseverance, and practice.” the werewolf replied vaguely. 

When the young man snorted, he countered,” Patronus and boggart are all linked to our mind. One is invoked through pleasant memories and the other is born from our fears.”

Malfoy could already grasp what the man was trying to say, he blurted,” So if we can school our thoughts and produce a Patronus with the happiest memories, we can also control our fears...It is just like..” he grew quiet feeling self-conscious.

“Narcissa told us she was training you in Occlumency in secret for a long time,” Remus mentioned.

“Mother figured out I was very sensitive to things and the way father was getting lost in the greed for more power and wealth, she anticipated that I would one day take the Dark Mark,” he pulled at his sleeves.

“Draco, Severus is the only one I know who has succeeded in producing the Patronus as well as living with that mark for all this time.”

“How did you become friends?”

“Long story.”

“I heard you were enemies?”

“We were...but when I learned I could have killed him, I went to him and apologized again and again. Then, Harry’s parents got killed. We both had lost a friend. He hunted me down and we just talked. He wanted to know about werewolves. I was interested in learning Dark Arts. It started from there. Then one fine day, he came back with a potion…” Remus looked out of the window, his eyes had grown distant.

“Wolfsbane...he wanted to show that he was not holding a grudge against you.” Draco smirked,” Never too good with emotions, was he!”

“I don’t blame him. We have a lot in common.”

“I never had such free conversations with my father. Severus happens to be just a good listener.” Draco mumbled.

“Sometimes that is all you need.” Remus smiled. Clearing his throat, he asked politely,” Draco, are you afraid that your boggart will turn into Hermione getting tortured?”

Malfoy straightened up and looked back at the teacher in horror,” How? I…” holding his head in both hands he sucked his bottom lip and bit into it.

“Draco, look at me! Remus ordered. 

When the young man managed to look up, he pointed his wand at the bleeding lip and said,” it is a traumatic experience for both of you. I think, rather I strongly believe, you should share your memories with Snape and talk to Granger. Below all that Gryffindor ferocity, she has a big heart. I don’t think she will push you away if you manage to show her that your intentions are genuine.”

Finishing his drink, the younger man had volunteered to clean up the mugs. Lupin watched him rinse them without using magic. When finally he turned Remus shared,” I also think that one day, you might be able to produce a Patronus...there are several things you share with Snape.”

“Good night Sir,” Malfoy muttered.

“Good night Draco,” Remus too had got up.

“Umm, Sir, I thought your boggart class was ridiculous, I didn’t know any better,” he pursed his lips.

Remus chuckled and patted his back,” Oh! You should have attended Dumbledore’s Boggart class!”

“Worse?” Draco joked cheekily.

Remus winked and snorted,” We went to the hospital wing right afterward...the entire class. Both Poppy and Mcgonagall had blasted the Headmaster’s ears.”

“Why? What happened?” the young man asked with furrowed brows.

“Stomach cramps with excessive laughing” the Professor clapped his back and stirred him towards his bedroom.


End file.
